It's not sustainable, emotionally or physically, to despair. But, it is at the precise moments of despair that the end of human possibilities are clear. We are simply not capable.
One morning, months ago in Kampala, I awoke at Bishop Zac Niringiye's home and began taking a cup of tea; he was in the frontyard, doing a morning round of exercises with a jump rope. Eventually, he came inside, slightly winded, and greeted me. Apparently engrossed in a thought, he heaved a sigh and gave me these words:
Oh, Jo-el, he said. You are entitled to nothing. You deserve nothing. Nothing that you have you have earned.
He smiled with as broad a smile as I've ever known, the corners of his mouth curled upward and his eyebrows raised. Everything, he said and paused. Everything is a gift of grace. At that, he tossed his jumprope over his shoulder and continued, Jo-el, you are single.
I hummed in agreement. He indicated that Moses, too, was single–Moses, being his nephew whom lived in his home. Moses, sitting in the living room, affirmed it and came into the dining room. Zac said, Don't live life wanting just to be married. Don't live life always anticipating the next moment. The best preparation for the next step is to live fully in this given moment.
Everything is a gift of grace. He laughed heartily, not condescending in the least, on the contrary, affirming and assuring.
I still hear that laugh and remember the assurances of his presence. I long to be content with that presence; I think that cynicism is a sort of discontent improperly emphasized. Hope is discontent tempered in the belief that there will be a better day than this one and the practice of appreciation for the grace that this day holds. Surely, to hope must come after despair, under the feelings that nothing is happening, and that nothing will happen again.
But, despair is not a complete sentiment; it cannot be. To live fully in the moments of despair has to mean that we ultimately believe in hope, believe that the dynamic hope of Christ is real and bodily and here.
Seeing more fully and living more fully is an unfolding of that hope and the way in which it is woven into the grace of every given moment. I'm beginning to see again.
One morning, months ago in Kampala, I awoke at Bishop Zac Niringiye's home and began taking a cup of tea; he was in the frontyard, doing a morning round of exercises with a jump rope. Eventually, he came inside, slightly winded, and greeted me. Apparently engrossed in a thought, he heaved a sigh and gave me these words:
Oh, Jo-el, he said. You are entitled to nothing. You deserve nothing. Nothing that you have you have earned.
He smiled with as broad a smile as I've ever known, the corners of his mouth curled upward and his eyebrows raised. Everything, he said and paused. Everything is a gift of grace. At that, he tossed his jumprope over his shoulder and continued, Jo-el, you are single.
I hummed in agreement. He indicated that Moses, too, was single–Moses, being his nephew whom lived in his home. Moses, sitting in the living room, affirmed it and came into the dining room. Zac said, Don't live life wanting just to be married. Don't live life always anticipating the next moment. The best preparation for the next step is to live fully in this given moment.
Everything is a gift of grace. He laughed heartily, not condescending in the least, on the contrary, affirming and assuring.
I still hear that laugh and remember the assurances of his presence. I long to be content with that presence; I think that cynicism is a sort of discontent improperly emphasized. Hope is discontent tempered in the belief that there will be a better day than this one and the practice of appreciation for the grace that this day holds. Surely, to hope must come after despair, under the feelings that nothing is happening, and that nothing will happen again.
But, despair is not a complete sentiment; it cannot be. To live fully in the moments of despair has to mean that we ultimately believe in hope, believe that the dynamic hope of Christ is real and bodily and here.
Seeing more fully and living more fully is an unfolding of that hope and the way in which it is woven into the grace of every given moment. I'm beginning to see again.
